


The fatass and the faxass.

by moosetashioedmonocle



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-16
Updated: 2015-04-16
Packaged: 2018-03-23 05:18:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3755863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moosetashioedmonocle/pseuds/moosetashioedmonocle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Simmons has a fax machine for a butt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The fatass and the faxass.

**Author's Note:**

> Based on this post: http://sigma-enigma.tumblr.com/post/115298162562/tip-for-grimmons-fanfic-artists-writers-simmons

First off, this is not a sex scene.

You were in the midst of one, maybe, but this is no longer a sex scene. This is...not exactly easy to describe. The only words that come to mind are that this is the most hilarious fuck-up while fucking. Ever. Of all time.

 

Back up about sex-ty seconds, and replay that moment in your mind. You and your stupid cyborg boyfriend were happily banging, as you sometimes do. You're not going to go into specifics, Grif, but you will recall the last bit very clearly. The two of you had a great thing going, just got settled into a fan-fucking-tastic rhythm, and the adorable ginger under you had just moaned extremely loudly.

"Grif, oh-oh fUCK!" You have to clarify, that was not an orgasm. What started as a moan ended in Simmons squeaking very unattractively as the fax machine permanently stuck in his ass started up.

Ever hear a fax machine go off when trying to get off?

Needless to say, the mood kinda died. and Simmons is staring up at you in shocked horror while you are bawling from laughing so hard. He's red as his armor and blubbering.

"This happen often?" You joke when you finally get your breath back for five seconds. The look of anger on his face is enough to set you off again, and you have to roll off him to keep from crushing him while you laugh.

The fax machine is still going, spitting something legal-looking out of Simmons' ass while he rolls onto his stomach and groans something you can't catch. There are tears spilling down your face, and you are wheezing uncontrollably.

"Wha-what the FUCK IS THIS SHIT?" Simmons starts screeching when he eventually checks on whatever it was that has been faxed. You steal it from him, give it a quick look over, and return once again to the bawling laughter. Simmons is fuming. "I am going to strangle Donut."

"You have to admit, the timing-"

"Oh shut up Grif."  
"Cmon, Command sending a response to Donut's acquisition forms asking for lube and condoms in the middle of sex? Simmons, you can't PLAN shit like this!"

"I'm still going to kill him." Simmons says as he pulls his civvies back on. You giggle as Simmons rips the papers from you and storms off to go murder your pink teammate.

"Hey, after you're done strangling him, ask him if he'll help me mount it on the wall!" You call after him, pulling on your own civvies and following. You're glad you do, because watching Simmons angrily yell at Donut about how he ruined his sex life, and then immediately go white as a sheet when he realized that Donut was in the middle of a conversation with Sarge and that he had just told his own "father-figure" the details of his sex life is almost as amusing as how this whole shebang started-when you were banging fifteen minutes ago.


End file.
